First Attempt
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: Don't worry, you guys! We'll find Lord Orochimaru's vessel for him easy-peasy. Just look for an angry brat with dark hair. That shouldn't be too hard!" 100% Crack, Kimi POV because we all love him so much. RIP, Kimi!


**First Attempt...

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"…So do you all understand?" asked Lord Orochimaru. "I need it by sundown at the latest."

"Yessir," we all said.

"Seeing as Kimimaro-"

I flinched when he said my name.

"Can no longer be used as the next vessel, I need you all to get a new one. Here's a description of him, now go get him."

"Yes m'lord," we all said, and sped off towards Konoha.

* * *

"We've been sitting here for _hours,_" complained Sakon. "My butt itches."

"Shut up," hissed Tayuya. "Or I'll tear off both of your-"

I stopped listening after that.

Luckily, a few minutes passed and we heard noises. People noises.

"Jirobo, quick," I said, "Gimme the list."

As he handed the paper, two teenagers appeared. I glanced down at the list, checking to see if one of them was the one we were looking for.

_#1: Target is a young, teenage male._

I glanced back up. Yep, one of them was definitely an adolescent boy.

_#2: Target has dark hair._

Yeah, he had dark hair.

_#3: Target has a freaky-looking, eye-related bloodline trait._

I watched the boy scowl at the girl talking to him, and sure enough, his eyes changed!

_#4: Target is arrogant and antisocial._

He told the girl numerous times to "Shut up and leave me alone, you annoying fangirl."

_#5: Target is probably being followed by a girl with pink somewhere on her body._

Yep, that was right as well. She never seemed to shut up.

_#6: Target's idiotic, hyperactive best friend will probably interfere._

I watched in amazement as another boy appeared, laughing hysterically and annoying the target boy, only to be…

_#7: Best friend will probably get beaten up by pink girl._

Yeah, she was beating the snot out of him.

_#8: Target hates his sensei._

Yep, the Jounin appeared and he only glared and shook his head.

"Is this the one?" Kidomaru asked, flexing three of his arms.

I nodded. "Wait 'till the other three are gone. Then grab the angry-looking one."

"Roger."

* * *

"Did you find the vessel?" asked Kabuto when we reappeared carrying the wooden barrel.

"Yup," we all said, pleased that we had finished the mission in only a few hours!

"How wonderful," said Lord Orochimaru, in one of his rare happy moments. "Come on, take him out. I want to see my next body."

We turned the barrel upside-down and removed the lid, letting our tied-up captive tumble out onto the tiled floor.

"See? We got him, just like you said."

I was the first to sense we had done something wrong. I stepped to the side quickly as the others jumped, the ground at their feet turning to flaming snakes.

"YOU…" I heard an enraged voice rumble. "YOU GOT…THE WRONG ONE!"

"But-but-but…" one of them stuttered. "We-we followed the description, just like you said! Dark hair, young boy, annoying fangirl…"

"_This_ is the one I wanted!" he shouted angrily as Kabuto held up a photograph. I felt a sweat-drop form at the back of my head. The boy in the picture matched the description as well, though his hair was a raven color instead of brown, and much shorter and spikier than the hair of the one we had captured. His eyes were also black, the one we had caught had freaky, almost-white irises with no pupils.

"We-we're sorry, Lord Orochimaru!" wailed the other four, dropping to their knees to pray for mercy.

"Lord Orochimaru, they…did try their best," murmured Kabuto, trying to defend the others for once in his life. "And it was a pretty easy mistake to make…don't be so hard on them."

The big boss was meanwhile examining the kid we chucked on the floor, scratching his chin and squinting.

"Well…" he said, "this one _is_ rather pretty…hmm….all right, nobody gets punished, and we keep this one as a backup in case anything goes wrong."

"Yes, sir!" agreed the other four, happy to have narrowly avoided horrible torture.

"Take him back, he's out cold, he won't remember anything. And when I send you out again, you fetch the right one _or else_, am I clear?"

"Yes, sir!" we all said, stuffing the boy back into the barrel to be taken back.

As we left carrying our incorrect captive, I repeated the description of the photo in my head so we wouldn't make the same mistake next time.

_Spiky black hair, black eyes. Spiky black hair, black eyes…_

Next time we'd get it right for sure.

**End!**

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Wow, my shortest fic yet. had this idea for a while, because REALLY, mister kishimoto needs more character variation. i'm sure there's lots more stuff that could be added to this, feel free to take the idea and run your own way with it.


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